The Decisions We Make

“I heard you published a book?”  Though not the first time I’ve heard this question and I guess not the last.  Depending on the day, who is around and other factors, I respond in one of two ways.  The first several times, I was nervous, vague and tried my best to get past the question.  The second, now the more often response, is responding proudly that I have indeed published a book.  There are always follow up questions.  These I have to admit get me excited and I am eager to answer them.  Some of them are still awkward for me, such as what is your book about?  Though I have never had anyone respond negatively when I tell them, I get a little nervous as I give the answer.  Everyone seems to think that it’s good that I published a book.  About half tell me that they want to read it.  I am cool and casual when I tell them that would be great, the whole time hoping they do and they like it.

“I’m all right,” is something I have to remind myself from time to time.  As another year passes, I am reminded about how quickly life is passing us by and just how fast the days seem to go by as I grow older.   Reflecting on this past year, I am on a high note.  This time last year I was in a dark place, perhaps the lowest I have ever been.  Each day I was sinking lower and lower in my own despair until I reached a junction and had to make a choice.  I’d sunken so far and I had to make a decision to pull myself out of my funk or simply give up.  With the help of others in my life, who when I opened my eyes, I was able to see they were there, I started with one change I could make and kept on going from there.   Things did get better.  Not to say I do not have bad days, but I make it through them. 

“I cannot believe another year has gone by!”  This phrase has been going through my head this week.  It truly has been a good year.  There is a feeling of accomplishment and happiness when I think back on this year.   Cooper is vying for my attention as I am sitting down trying to write.  Although she has occupied much of my free time over the last couple of months, I am so glad that we’ve found each other.   I’ve gotten out and did things, living life, time spent with friends and family, a few trips, some accomplishments and fun.   For so many years I have dreaded getting older.  Though this year, I still plan on lying about my age (and killing anyone who tells the truth) I am looking forward to another year.