The Decisions We Make
“I heard you published a book?” Though not the first time I’ve heard this question and I guess not the last. Depending on the day, who is around and other factors, I respond in one of two ways. The first several times, I was nervous, vague and tried my best to get past the question. The second, now the more often response, is responding proudly that I have indeed published a book. There are always follow up questions. These I have to admit get me excited and I am eager to answer them. Some of them are still awkward for me, such as what is your book about? Though I have never had anyone respond negatively when I tell them, I get a little nervous as I give the answer. Everyone seems to think that it’s good that I published a book. About half tell me that they want to read it. I am cool and casual when I tell them that would be great, the whole time hoping they do and they like it.
“I’m all right,” is something I have to remind myself from time to time. As another year passes, I am reminded about how quickly life is passing us by and just how fast the days seem to go by as I grow older. Reflecting on this past year, I am on a high note. This time last year I was in a dark place, perhaps the lowest I have ever been. Each day I was sinking lower and lower in my own despair until I reached a junction and had to make a choice. I’d sunken so far and I had to make a decision to pull myself out of my funk or simply give up. With the help of others in my life, who when I opened my eyes, I was able to see they were there, I started with one change I could make and kept on going from there. Things did get better. Not to say I do not have bad days, but I make it through them.
“I cannot believe another year has gone by!” This phrase has been going through my head this week. It truly has been a good year. There is a feeling of accomplishment and happiness when I think back on this year. Cooper is vying for my attention as I am sitting down trying to write. Although she has occupied much of my free time over the last couple of months, I am so glad that we’ve found each other. I’ve gotten out and did things, living life, time spent with friends and family, a few trips, some accomplishments and fun. For so many years I have dreaded getting older. Though this year, I still plan on lying about my age (and killing anyone who tells the truth) I am looking forward to another year.